The Rambler- 12/8/20

(BLOGGER’S NOTE: Occasionally, I just like throw random thoughts out there without worrying about putting them into a coherent article. When this occurs, I don the guise of…..The Rambler!)

Anyone notice that Georgia Senator Kelly Loeffler looks like someone on SNL doing an impression of Kelly Loeffler?

Eventually, the deficits run up by coronavirus relief will have to be dealt with. When the time comes, Republicans are going to continue their fanatical opposition to any kind of tax hike and issue statements like, “We’re all going to have to tighten our belts.” Yeah, I love it when middle-aged fat guys tell me I have to tighten my belt.

It IS weird watching football games with no fans in the stands and pumped in noise on the PA. On the bright side, though, thinking about the players almost certainly passing COVID around distracts me from the thought of how much damage the sport is doing to their brains. So, there’s that…

On the other hand, politics aside, I get why a lot of NFL players don’t take COVID seriously. I really do. Try explaining to your average NFL quarterback, a guy who’s spent 15 years having 300 pound men come at him with intentions of doing grievous bodily harm, that he might get sick and see how far you get.

On the other other hand, would anyone outside the city of Pittsburgh care if Ben Roethlisberger got COVID? I didn’t think so.

I firmly believe Armando Iannucci, the creator of Veep and The Thick of It, looks at the Trump legal fiasco, (the press conference at the landscaping company, the farting lawyer, the drunken witnesses) and thinks, “You couldn’t write this stuff. Believe me, I tried.”

Seriously, if it suddenly came to light that Rudy Giuliani suffered a stroke five years and it was covered up, wouldn’t that explain a hell of a lot?

If you’re shocked–SHOCKED–that many Republicans are denying the results of the election, please remember these are the same people who have been rejecting the idea that the climate of our entire PLANET is going to hell in a handcart. What’s an election compared to that?

It’s when I use phrases like “going to hell in a handcart” that I realize how much I sound like my old man. Even when I’m writing.

Just a thought: if your response to a sign reading Black Lives Matter is to hang an American flag outside your house, you’re more a part of the problem than you realize. (Or maybe you do realize it and just don’t care.)

Funny how, in a little under fifty years, we’ve gone from, “I am not a crook” to “Sure, I’m a crook. What are you gonna do about it?”

It’s hilarious to watch Gen-Xers get older and try to be curmudgeonly. “Yeah, these kids are soft. They don’t have it as rough as we did.” Really? It was rough when you were living in your parents’ basement, smoking a bowl every night? Seriously, which generation do you think gave us the term slacker? Oscar Madison was not a Gen-Xer. Sorry.

Apparently, the annual Ohio State-Michigan football game as been cancelled due to COVID outbreaks on the Michigan team. Sporting events cancelled over COVID outbreaks? Who could have foreseen such a thing. Oh, that’s right. EVERYBODY.

I have to say, Jim Harbaugh’s attempt to turn himself into Bo Schembechler was successful in every way, other than being a good football coach.

You might not care about that previous sentence, but I want credit for spelling “Schembechler” correctly without having to look it up.

Since I’m now willing to engage with current events and things political once again, I’ve been rewatching The West Wing. I have to admit that I find Aaron Sorkin repulsive. His writing is cutesy and obvious. He CLEARLY has a high opinion of his own opinions. And he’s the only guy I can think of who has the balls to rewrite recent history either to suit his own fantasies or more likely to say, “This is how it would have gone down if you had listened to me!” And yet, I could easily sit and watch 12 consecutive hours of The West Wing if left to my own devices. It’s like having incredible sex with someone you don’t like talking to. I have to find a way out of this. Or do I?

Just to offset The West Wing, I’ve also been watching a lot of the British series, The Thick of It, created by the aforementioned Armando Iannucci. It’s politics as written by adults. Very cynical adults. It’s also proof positive that all insults are funnier when a Scottish accent is involved.

When it’s all said and done, we’ll look back on 2020, with the pandemic and the shutdowns and the domestic upheaval and think, “Yes, truly. Those were the golden days of Pornhub.”

When did it become acceptable to just blast through a red light because you didn’t see anyone coming? Even if that’s the case, you’re still expected to come to a stop (or at least a rolling yield). It’s like when I pretend to be interested in what my brothers are saying or when my friend Mike runs the water in the bathroom so I’ll think he’s washed his hands. Some things you just do as a courtesy.

I still get emails from a temp agency I worked for one summer, 10 years ago. I’ve had clingy ex-girlfriends give up in less than half that time. Should I be concerned that I’m eventually going to find a dead rabbit boiling on my stove?

When it’s cold in my apartment, I put on a hoodie, but my legs and feet are still cold. So, I throw a blanket over my lower body, which leads me to make a lot of jokes about Roosevelt at Yalta.

Okay, now I REALLY sound like my old man.

JOE DAVIS is the main character in a series of mystery novels by Randall J. Funk. Mr. Davis and Mr. Funk are delighted by the shocking similarities in their opinions and writing styles.

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