An episode of Seinfeld that frequently pops into my head these days is “The Couch.” One of the storylines involves Elaine refusing to order from Pino’s Pizza due to their stand on abortion. (Pino’s was a thinly-disguised stand-in for Domino’s Pizza, whose owner at the time, Tom Monaghan, donated to anti-abortion causes.) For the remainder of the episode, Jerry creates trouble for Elaine by relating everything back to someone’s views on abortion. They cause a kerfuffle in Poppie’s Restaurant when Poppie makes his anti-abortion views clear, hurting his business and starting him down a road that ends with him befouling Jerry’s new couch. (You really need to watch the episode to get the connection). Meanwhile, Elaine begins dating the hunky moving guy who helped deliver Jerry’s new couch. Jerry asks Elaine about the guy’s views on abortion. Elaine clearly hasn’t had this conversation with the guy, but is sure he’s pro-choice “because he’s so good-looking.” When they do have the conversation, the guy says (in words that would prove sadly prophetic), “One of these days, we’ll get enough judges on the Supreme Court to get that law changed.” Slow it down frame-by-frame and you can see the exact moment Elaine’s heart rips in half. (Sorry, mixing my sitcom metaphors there.) The lesson to be learned is clear: judging our businesses and relations according to their political views can be a tricky undertaking.

(I assume that’s the lesson. Though Larry David has made his political views clear, Seinfeld generally went for funny over morality plays.)

That episode feels relevant in light of today’s political turmoil. Companies have been quick to line up and kiss the ring (and that’s the most tasteful metaphor I could think up) of the Mango Mussolini. They’ve contributed to his campaign, rolled back DEI programs at his behest, and generally normalized the Project 2025 agenda. All in the name of deregulation and tax cuts. (Only to be fed tariffs, but that’s another story.) One of the worst offenders in this area is Amazon.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is a piece of work (and a piece of other things I won’t mention). He has been open regarding his disdain of unions. His business practices are aimed at driving other retailers out of the market. He’s been quoted as saying he wants employees to wake up terrified every day. (If underpaying and overworking them has gotten that job done, he’s been spectacularly successful.) He is, in the words of Stephen Colbert, “a penis with arms.” (That actually has nothing to do with Bezos’s business practices. I just like quoting that line.)

I’m in a somewhat unique position in dealing with Amazon, as I’m both a consumer and a retailer. The consumer side is fairly easy to handle. I avoid Amazon like that plague. If I can buy or rent something without using their services, even if it costs me a little more or is a little less convenient, I will do it. The trickier part, though, is the retailer portion.

There’s no other way to say it: I have to do business with Amazon. They are still the largest retailer in the world. The Kindle is the most used e-reader on the market. In terms of monetary value, I get very little from them, currently, but I also spend very little up front. And it’s the most visible marketplace in the world. If you want to get seen, you have to be there. It’s an ugly reality, but it’s reality, nonetheless. I need Amazon.

If I’ll claim any credit, it’s that I’ve tried to limit my interactions with Amazon over the years. Amazon offers Kindle Direct Publishing to independent authors as a cheap and easy way to get their books out there. The catch is that if you publish through KDP, you can ONLY deal with Amazon. Places such as Barnes and Noble, Kobo, or any other e-book or print retailer need not apply. KDP limits your independence as an independent author. But it IS convenient and relatively inexpensive. (As my mom might have put it: “That’s how they get you!”)

I’m also currently trying to present alternatives to buying my stuff through Amazon. I recently introduced a coupon code (PORTERSBAY) for a 50% discount on any print books ordered through my website (randalljfunk.com). (Sorry for the shameless promotion, but I’ve got to get that info out somehow.) I’m also exploring ways to make e-book versions of the Joe Davis series available through my website. I’m hoping to make this available before the end of the year.

Does all this make up for the fact I’m doing business with a less-than-scrupulous company? That’s up to you. You have power as a consumer, as some of you shown in your dealings with Target, Amazon, and the like. I’m not here to talk you into giving me a pass. I’m here to explain my conundrum and how I’m dealing with it. If the explanation is good enough for you, I hope we can still be in business together. If not, I understand perfectly. That is your choice as a consumer, and I respect it.

Furthermore, I hope your hunky moving guy is pro-choice.