Joe Davis’s comfortable life as a humor blogger and low-level Twin Cities celebrity gets shaken up by his ex-girlfriend, Tess, and her problems at the office. Tess asks Joe for a simple favor: escort her to a swanky corporate party and make sure a jealous co-worker doesn’t fold, spindle or mutilate Tess’ person. Hoping to score karma points for their ugly Death is a Clingy Ex by Randall J Funkbreak-up, Joe agrees. However, the party takes an ugly turn when Tess’ boss does an eight story half-gainer through a buffet table. And Tess winds up as the main suspect.
With no one else to turn to, Tess asks for Joe’s help. Despite being unqualified to take on any investigation more complicated than a search for his car keys, Joe agrees to the job. Armed only with sarcasm and a gaggle of idiot friends, he manages to piece together a conspiracy involving murder, fraud, adultery and, worse, office politics. But as he gets closer to the truth, Joe is left to wonder: is Tess a victim of this conspiracy? Or its mastermind? And just who’s winning this break-up?


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All that Joe Davis, humor blogger and Twin Cities’ D-List celebrity, wants is a little peace and quiet…oh, and the All-City Touch Football Championship. But murder can get in the way of these things. A feud between Joe’s best friend Mike and Mike’s neighbor across the hall goes nuclear when the neRandallFunk_DLATHighbor is found dead and Mike is arrested for the crime.  Since Joe’s the only one who believes Mike is innocent, it’s up to him to bail his friend out.

The case takes Joe through a winding collection of suspects: a junkie sister, a jealous ex-boyfriend and a self-important lawyer; each with their own agenda, none of them who they seem to be. And how does a low-level thug, a cool co-worker, an internet want ad, a grumpy neighbor and the curious incident of the dog in the morning factor into this whole thing? This is what Joe must fit together if his best friend is ever going to see the outside of a prison cell again.  The things we do to win football games…

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Joe Davis, Twin Cities humor blogger and low-grade celebrity, is looking forward to a night on the town. He’s accompanying his friend Carol to the grand opening of a store catering to craft beer enthusiasts like Joe. It’s the kind of event guaranteed to warm a snowy night in January.

At least that was the idea. 

The evening takes a nasty turn when Carol is found standing over the corpse of one of the store’s owners, holding the murder weapon.  Carol claims she’s innocent and Joe’s about the only who believes her. In a flash, Joe and his friends are forced to go on the run, pursued by both the cops and the actual killers.

As they spend the night ducking and dodging, Joe and the gang piece together the story behind the murder. A collection of disparate characters emerge: a jilted fiancée, a comely contract killer, a band of offbeat cops and the victim’s own business partners. But just what was going on? What do the victim’s final words, with its references to a book and a big hat, have to do with it? Will Joe and his friends find the real killer before time runs out? All of this because a guy wanted a beer.

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